Pride and Proclivity: Writing Women in Romances

Since the dawn of storytelling, romance has been a popular subject. It can be the main focus of a story, a subplot, or its own genre, but whether you love it or hate it, it’s almost always there. However, in many romance stories, women tend to get the short end of the stick. Sometimes she’s nothing more than a damsel in distress, sometimes her only importance is in her body, or in the worst case, characters are downright creepy to her and it’s seen as okay. When you’re writing your next groundbreaking romance novel, here are a few things to keep in mind that will help empower women on the page as well as create more interesting and three-dimensional relationships!

Avoiding the “Mary Sue”

Dragox Lucius Thornflame is a rebellious teenage boy with a secret soft side, lightning powers, and a tragic yet very compelling backstory. Meanwhile, the main character of this story is a teenage girl named Jane who has…a messy relationship with her parents and no other qualities. This is what one might call a “Mary Sue” situation, where the male love interest of the story clearly has a lot of thought put into his character, while the female narrator has little to none. This approach creates a generic narrator with no flaws that any woman can project herself onto, but despite how many of us want to live vicariously through fantasy romance novels, it also tells an overused story and robs us of interesting and empowering female main characters. Don’t be afraid to make your protagonist unique; no matter what, there will always be readers who relate to her! If you’ve already put a lot of thought into your story’s love interest, try to give that same energy to your main character. 

Objectification

The flipside of the “Mary Sue” is another common trap many writers fall into; in this case, the main character is developed in great detail–he has a nuanced personality, we get to know all of his aspirations, we even learn which pair of socks is his favorite–yet when it comes to his female costar, the only details we’re given about her are related to her physical appearance. When no attention is given to the woman’s wants and desires, it makes it feel like her only role in the story is to be the main character’s girlfriend, unrequited love, situationship, or whatever romantic quest he’s embarking on. It’s important to highlight women’s minds and not just their bodies; we want to be valued for more than just our (amazing) looks! And anyways, if you’re already familiar with the perspective of your main character, consider the point-of-view of the story’s love interest. Having both sides of the story will make their relationship feel much more complete and well thought out!

Age Gaps

In both fiction and the real world, relationships with significant age gaps are a complicated issue. That doesn’t mean they should never happen, but when they do, they should be handled with sensitivity. When writing a healthy relationship with an age gap, it’s important to acknowledge it, and the older character should never hold their extra years of experience or knowledge over the younger character’s head to belittle them. Sometimes things that seem flirtatious and romantic can read as demeaning or infantilizing; you even might want to be careful with pet names and terms of endearment, especially ones like “baby” and “little [angel, darling, etc.].” Age gaps are most commonly seen in media with an older man and a younger woman, and therefore there’s more awareness around potential issues with them. However, flipping the script with an older woman and a younger man doesn’t exempt them from any toxic behavior, and the same goes for queer couples. Respect is important regardless of gender! When writing romances with large age gaps, consider asking your peers to beta read your draft and check for any red flags.

The Importance of Consent

There are a lot of things that seem “romantic” but are actually just uncomfortable. Let’s say Robby really likes Samantha, but she tells him she just likes him as a friend. But Robby’s not going to give up; he keeps flirting with her, buying her flowers, and asking her out over and over again, until finally, at the end of the story, she realizes she’s in love with him! Yay! Except…maybe not. Samantha and Robby got a happy ending in this story, but many times when someone is pushy like that and ignores the other person’s wishes, it just ruins their friendship and makes the person they liked feel disrespected. While it seems very valiant for a character to not give up, sometimes giving up is the healthier choice for both people. When we tell stories where characters refuse to take “no” for an answer, this influences how people imagine romance in real life. This example was a fairly innocent one, but in many stories, characters will do things that are much more uncomfortable to witness, such as secretly following someone to their house, messing with their personal belongings, and touching their hair, neck, legs, etc. without asking first or when they’ve been told not to do so. Rather than continuing to normalize behaviors like this, consider how your characters can interact in a way that still feels steamy and exciting but wouldn’t make anyone feel creeped out if it happened to them in real life! 

In conclusion…

How we write romances and how we write women have both come a long way over time, but there’s still progress to be made. Every story that puts thought and effort into its female characters and how they’re treated is another step in the right direction (and also just makes every story on its own more interesting!) What are you waiting for? Go write some romances, and go write some women!

Julia's silent video on this topic will be airing on The Writer's Workout Channel on Saturday! Check it out here: https://youtu.be/aeMTwsStFhw

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About the author: Julia Argilan is a rising junior at Oberlin College where they’re studying creative writing and Spanish. In her free time, she enjoys singing in her acappella group, dancing, theater, and drawing. In fact, they illustrated a children's book, Jolly the Jealous Jellyfish, which will hopefully hit the shelves soon! You can see more of her art on her instagram account @pumpkinpankake.