A Hill I Will Die On

A week or so ago, I was listening to my favorite radio morning show on my way to work. The hosts often invite listeners to call in and share thoughts on a topic. On this particular morning, the topic was: What’s a hill you’ll die on that literally doesn’t matter?

The callers and texters did not disappoint. Among the many “hills” were:

• Toilet paper rolls should go over the top (think “bangs, not a mullet”!)

• Pillowcase openings should face out to the edges of the bed

• Audiobooks do not count as reading

• A hot dog IS a sandwich

• Diagonally cut sandwiches taste better

Many listeners also shared stances on the misuse of language, with one texter claiming that she “docks 20 IQ points” from anyone guilty of it. Among the transgressions:

• Pronouncing “mischievous” as mis-cheev-ee-us

• Saying “I could care less” when it should be “I couldn’t care less”

• Using the plural “alumni” when referring to a singular person

• Saying “All of the sudden” instead of “All of a sudden”

  
  

Being a self-professed grammar nerd, it was oddly satisfying to hear these improper words and phrases called out!

My Personal Hills

As a writer with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), it stands to reason that I might have a few of these “hills” myself. And—what a shock!—they all pertain to words! Hey, what can I say? Neurodivergence comes with some fun side effects.

YES to the Oxford Comma

To be fair, this was also mentioned multiple times on the aforementioned morning show but I wanted to save this one for me. I am a diehard Oxford comma believer! If you are listing items in a series, you'd better put that final comma in there, or we can’t be friends.

NO to Double Spacing after a Period

If you insist on hitting the spacebar twice after each period, you are stuck in the typewriter era. There. I said it. Originally, the double space (when using a typewriter) was needed to create visual space between sentences. With the advent of desktop publishing and kerning, this is no longer a requirement. Instead, the double-space after a period creates a distracting river of white space in a block of text. It’s been nearly 40 years. Get over it.

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Maybe these aren’t exactly “hills to die on” but I have a growing list of grammar-related pet peeves that also need mentioning.

Apostrophe Blunders

It astonishes me how many people think plural words need apostrophes. I see it far too often, especially on handwritten and even printed signage for restaurants or stores.

This is all too common for my liking.

Misuse of “Well”

“Good” is an adjective. It is used to describe a noun. “It was a good movie.” “This sandwich is good.” 

“Well” is an adverb. It is used to describe verbs, adjectives, and other adverbs. “He sings well.” “The report was well-written.”

One would not say, “She smells well.” Instead of trying to compliment her perfume, this implies that her olfactory senses are in top working order. It seems people default to using “well” when they are not sure, perhaps because they think it sounds better.

Incorrect Homophones

Homophones can be tricky. I get it. After all, I teach this to 10-year-olds. I know how many exposures one needs to master this skill. Deciding between “there/their/they’re” and “to/two/too” takes some thought.

Ugh! "It's" is a contraction, not possessive!

However, we live in a world with spellcheck, so I am absolutely perplexed when these errors still regularly happen. Even my own husband stubbornly uses “your” when he should use “you’re” in notes and texts, regardless of how many times I've corrected him! I’d almost rather he use the informal abbreviation of “ur” which would hurt less. Grrrr....

“I” is Not an Object Pronoun

I’m gonna be honest here—and it pains me to admit this—but I’ve been guilty of this one. In an effort to sound proper, many of us use “...and I” incorrectly, especially when speaking. “My mom and I went out for dinner” is correct. I was always taught to “check” the correctness by removing the other person from the sentence. In this case, “I went out for dinner” sounds right. By contrast, “The server brought the food to my mom and I” is not correct because we wouldn’t say, “The server brought the food to I.” But during the real-time pace of a conversation, it’s challenging to do this, and we often spit out the more “proper” sounding one.

Editor's note: SO glad Karen mentioned this one. I'm on the same hill for every single one of these so far but this one in particular, coupled with the apostrophe peeve, ties to a very specific, needling issue I've seen more and more frequently lately: "I's". As in, "it's her and I's tradition". Folks, it's "hers and my" or, more correctly, "our".

It’s “Versus” Not “Verses”

This is probably more of a teacher problem but I hear this all the time from my students. “We are versing Aiden’s team tomorrow.” Or “My team versed them on Saturday.” This clearly stems from hearing something like, “It’s the Phillies versus the Braves” and interpreting it as “It’s the Phillies verses the Braves.” When I tell them that “verse” isn’t a verb (at least as they use it), they look at me like I’m crazy.

The Phrase “off of”  

Although technically not grammatically incorrect, the phrase “off of” is redundant. Why use both words when the word “off” will suffice? For example, “Take that off of the table” is just fine as “Take that off the table.” While the phrase “off of” has been around a long time, I have noticed an uptick in its use on television and in print. Does anyone else find themselves yelling at the TV about this, or is it just me? 

Why does this even matter? 

It doesn’t.

Yes, it totally does.

(Remember the radio call-in topic?)

These grammatical errors are why there are editors, those glorious people who get paid to soften the rough edges of printed work and make it shine. Let them worry about all this. But the problem is that most people don’t normally have editors on-hand during their daily interactions. And when people write texts, emails, social media posts, etc., using poor writing conventions, please know that there are many, many of us out here making unfair assumptions because of it.

Obviously, everyone makes mistakes from time to time. Try as we may, even neurodivergents are not perfect. In fact, I once misspelled a word on my resume, and it was months before an employment recruiter pointed it out to me. I was mortified!

But that doesn’t change the fact that I become irritated when such simple grammatical rules are disregarded. 

After all, my Twitter/X profile (@iamkarenkinley) proudly proclaims, “I may look innocent, but I’m judging your grammar.”

Consider yourselves warned.

Note: I'd love to hear about your "hills" in the comment section!

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About the author: Karen is a writer, teacher, audiobook lover, and Wordle enthusiast from New Jersey. She has ADHD and OCD and is still embarrassed about that resume typo all these years later. Her favorite activities are spoiling her granddaughters (yes, she has TWO now!), traveling to warm climates, snort-laughing with friends, and sipping a good Cosmopolitan. Visit her online at www.karenkinley.com.